Why I’d love another baby but why I (probably) won’t have one

By on July 2, 2014

I love my three kids. Overall I really quite enjoyed being pregnant. Birth wise I have come to terms with my status as a C-section mother despite very raw early feelings about how I gave birth. After I gave birth to my third child we were pretty sure we were done. Our family complete.

Recently I have noticed several signs that my babies are growing up before my very eyes. Add to that, the broodiness inducing linky hosted by The Busy Mamas, where I shared a list of ‘last firsts’ I will now miss that my baby making days are over, got me thinking. There are reasons why I’d love another baby:

1. That inside glow when you get a positive pregnancy test

Ok, so maybe 4th time would be less of a glow and more sheer panic but there is something amazing about that moment you realise there is a new human life developing inside you. And to hold that secret for weeks, while challenging at times, is only magical.

pregnancy test pregnancy test

2. I love being pregnant

Pregnancy is hard but here I put on my rose-tinted glasses and say I loved it. I think once the news is public, you are passed the early weeks and baby starts kicking it is a most amazing time. Such an intimate time to bond with baby. I still look at each of my kids with wonder as I think that they were inside MY body. Mind blowing.

3. The new born cuddles

Once that baby is out all you can do is stare at this tiny human in awe. A newborn baby has the most amazing smell, amazing draw and above all gives the most amazing cuddles. Yes, you should be sleeping when baby sleeps but forgive yourself for staring in to their crib for an hour in pure wonderment.

Newborn cuddles! Image:  www.learnermama.com

Newborn cuddles! Image: www.learnermama.com

4. I could blog my way through it

The lamest reason of all is the fact that if I was pregnant again I could chronicle my pregnancy and the birth as they happened. I bought this URL in August 2010. It was a shaky start and a need to delete everything and eventually start properly in December 2012 meant I missed the opportunity to blog my way through my last pregnancy which had its moments including a third section which had originally been planned as a VBA2C.

5. Attempt a VBA3C

My consultant would probably have a heart attack if I landed in his office pregnant and requesting a normal delivery after having had three C-sections. If I did find myself pregnant again it is definitely something I would go for. I feel now more confident and more educated and would trust myself and my body more. If someone told me I would be guaranteed a successful normal delivery I could be swayed to have another baby. Alas, there are no guarantees in childbirth.

I’m not sure some of those reasons warrant me running off and getting pregnant (I actually know they are not!) and I have lots of reasons why I wouldn’t want another one including:

1. They are expensive

Babies cost money. Period. From the day you find out you are pregnant until, well, forever they are a financial drain. More kids mean more drain. The tap is almost dry in our house!

2. I’d need a new car (and ideally house!)

We have a five seater car. Any new addition would require a change of car so we could travel together. Our house is also pretty much at capacity. In the last 3 years we added an attic conversion which allowed us host an aupair and in time (provided we don’t need another aupair) will allow each of our kids a room of their own. We also added an extension that has become the playroom. We cannot expand further. A new addition may throw us over the edge space wise.

3. The nasty pregnancy symptoms

In wanting another baby I don my rose-tinted glasses. Take those glasses off and I’m left with tiredness, nausea, swollen ankles, killer heartburn and being barely able to lift myself off the couch. Do I really want to endure that again?

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Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / Freedigitalphotos.net

4. I’m getting on

I’ll be 38 later this year (I can’t believe I have publicly declared my age). While it is perfectly acceptable to have babies in your forties or indeed fifties if that’s what you want, for me, having started my baby making at 30, I don’t really want to spend a decade making babies. It’s a personal choice. I’m only getting more tired and feel less able for a newborn – especially with three others to take care of.

5. Being back to the start

I delight in having a nappy and bottle free house. We have mostly okay nights sleep (although my 2-year-old still has a bit to go, we are getting there), my kids are mostly able to dress and feed themselves. The thoughts of bringing a brand new baby home with all that entails sends shivers down my spine! Sleep deprivation, constant feeding, changing, naps, weaning, toilet training – the list goes on – no thank you!

Of course I never say never. Perhaps a lottery win could sort the new house, new car and hire a round the clock nanny service. If anything ever happened between myself and my husband, such as death (his!) or divorce, maybe I would meet someone new and decide I want another baby but for the time being I think it is fair to say my baby making days are over.

Of course all bets are off with any contraception failure!

How did you know you were done? Or are you?

22 Comments

  1. Olivia Fitzgerald

    July 2, 2014 at 5:13 pm

    I always wanted 2 and I had my twins (boy and girl) but darling husband wants another! Can’t make up my mind.. I’m 34, the twins are 4. Feel like I should make up my mind soon. The possibility of another set of twins terrifies me. :-/
    Olivia Fitzgerald recently posted…My Child’s Imaginary Friend.My Profile

    • Lucy - Learner Mama

      July 2, 2014 at 5:17 pm

      I’d be terrified too 🙂 my mum is a twin and every first scan we went to I kept thinking ‘what if it’s twins!’ A particularly scary thought on number three! It’s a hard decision……I will be watching for news over at Put on the Kettle 😉

  2. Triona McKee

    July 2, 2014 at 5:30 pm

    Love this post, I also loved being pregnant, and would love 4, but we are still to fall pregnant with #2! My SIL who is pregnant made me laugh the other day, stating “babies can be free,all they need is love & food”, ya right!!!?

  3. Helen O'Keeffe

    July 2, 2014 at 5:35 pm

    Oh dear! I do feel partly responsible for this slight about turn!! nature has a funny little way of getting those hormones to deliver so beware!!!
    Btw I’d totally do it!!!

    • Lucy - Learner Mama

      July 2, 2014 at 6:06 pm

      I’ve had this post in drafts since March but your linky certainly got the brain ticking! It’s hard to leave the baby stage behind!

  4. I loved this post and while I’m definitely done, I totally agree with all your reasons “for”. After 2 sections and a very difficult last pregnancy, there is no way I’m going there again and have been advised against going there too- my consultant said that she never wants to see me again, in the nicest possible way!!! I’m also “done” for other reasons- I’m 35, my 2 are at a great stage, growing in independence and it’s so great to be past nappies, bottles, constant puke/reflux etc etc etc. plus I feel like my body is beginning to feel more like my own again, changed mostly definitely, but mine and I kinda like that! Thankfully, I’m very content with our little family as it is. So no more little monkeys in this house! Fab post x
    Ciara @ Our a Little House in the Country recently posted…Alphabet Book – Hunting for Letters, Cutting Skills, Learning Our ABCsMy Profile

    • Lucy - Learner Mama

      July 2, 2014 at 6:12 pm

      Thanks Ciara. I think I would probably need someone to tell me not to have one before I could say I’m definitely done 🙂 It is great though having them gain independence!

  5. Beth

    July 2, 2014 at 6:03 pm

    Hello!

    I only have 1 baby (14 months now) and I would love another. My husband does not want another, or rather he doesn’t think it would be a good idea.

    My reasons for wanting a baby are very much like yours, but because Gwenn is an only child at the moment, I would have to add “supplying a sibling” to the list. I would LOVE to have another girl and watch them have conspiratorial chats and giggles.

    But …

    We have a two bedroom house. The cost of moving (fees fees fees!) would make getting a three bed almost impossible for us. The babies could share but I think this would work better for same sex siblings in the long run.

    At the moment my dad and step-mum have Gwenn once or twice a week depending on when I am at work. We cannot afford to pay for nursery or a childminder and we couldn’t ask them to look after another baby too (plus my brother’s girlfriend is due her first in January). So I would have to give up work which wouldn’t bother me in the slightest from a “career” point of view but financially it would be a disaster.

    So I think in all likelihood my husband will get his way. Maybe we could get a dog?!?!
    Beth recently posted…What I learned from BritMums Live (without actually being there!)My Profile

    • Lucy - Learner Mama

      July 2, 2014 at 6:17 pm

      It’s always a tough decision but you will work it out. Your baby is still little so still time and things can change! My hubby wasn’t sure if we should go for a third but here we are! And even if you don’t your little girl will grow up having loads of fun with her cousin (and you can get that dog!)

  6. Naomi Lavelle

    July 2, 2014 at 7:35 pm

    Oh I hear you!! I was 38 when I had my third (not giving away his age here), so adding that to guaranteed nine months of severe Hyper Emesis and I’m definitely done. In another world I’d have have loved a fourth, I always said “even numbers” and I’d so love to experience a pregnancy without all the sickness but I do still feel blessed to have my three. Do you know another thing I’d add to your list? Getting to pick another baby name! It distracts me through the illness of the pregnancy 😉
    Naomi Lavelle recently posted…Spark any child’s imagination with this great “Fairy Door” GIVEAWAYMy Profile

    • Lucy - Learner Mama

      July 2, 2014 at 9:04 pm

      Yes I think a bit of hyperemesis may just put me right off. Thankfully I had good pregnancies which is how I made it to three! Maybe 4th time lucky for you 😉

  7. Aedín

    July 2, 2014 at 8:52 pm

    I hear ya!Would secretly love another baby but finding it tough with two combined with a partner who works crazy long hours and no family in the immediate area mean it’s unlikely we’ll be going for no 3 but a girl can dream!
    Aedín recently posted…Mini graduateMy Profile

  8. Cormac

    July 2, 2014 at 9:00 pm

    At your age you still have a few years before you need to stop. There does seem to be a lot of women around who are having children in the next few months (3 sisters in law, and several friends). My wife’s cousin just had her 5th at 41 before Christmas. So there’s no stopping you if that’s what you really want. The negatives, well most of them pass, and the money isn’t as bad as you imagine, you have all this baby stuff anyway and all the clothes so you’re just giving them one more turn.

    As much as I like the idea of having a 4th, we wont. The physical and emotional pressure that it puts my wife under for not just the pregnancy but the year after as well is too much.

    Best of luck with what ever you decide.
    Cormac recently posted…First day of the HolsMy Profile

    • Lucy - Learner Mama

      July 2, 2014 at 9:39 pm

      Thanks Cormac. Sure I know I’m only a young one! To be fair on the balance of probability I’m done. I guess the further away from the baby stage I get the more I think…..maybe just one more. I really couldn’t face a 4th section and the thoughts of night feeds. I think I will just look forward and not back – I am blessed to have been able to have my three little monkeys and I am going to enjoy them 🙂

  9. office mum

    July 2, 2014 at 10:05 pm

    Oh my goodness, you are broody missus! Very interesting topic. I always wanted four when I was younger, because I come from four. But I was 33 having my first, so decided then that three would be perfect – and for me it is. Though sometimes….
    office mum recently posted…A mellow year overMy Profile

    • Lucy - Learner Mama

      July 2, 2014 at 10:07 pm

      Three is perfect for me too….just sometimes I think maybe ……(but then maybe not!)

  10. Sadhbh@WhereWishesComeFrom

    July 4, 2014 at 2:36 pm

    I was crazy broody until I had my twins and then all broodiness seemed to just disappear, never to return! The older they get, the more sure I am I don’t want to go again. Two is perfect for us. I do LOVE getting a snuggle from my little nieces though… but then I get to hand them back!
    Sadhbh@WhereWishesComeFrom recently posted…Felt Fox TutorialMy Profile

    • Lucy - Learner Mama

      July 6, 2014 at 11:36 am

      Oh yes very handy to have a niece or nephew to feed that newborn cuddle! Must have words with my brother 🙂

  11. Looking for Blue Sky

    July 7, 2014 at 1:07 pm

    I’ve got three, wanted four, and if my marriage hadn’t failed, I might’ve had 5 or 6! I always wanted a large family because mine is so small: 2 brothers and 3 cousins, and I see how much fun and support that large extended Irish families enjoy 🙂
    Looking for Blue Sky recently posted…So, laser eye surgery, yes or no?My Profile

    • Lucy - Learner Mama

      July 16, 2014 at 8:38 am

      I wonder does our own family size growing up influence what we want our own family to be? Myself and hubby both come from families of three kids so it seemed right. Interesting as a small family you wanted large – wonder are there people from large that want small 🙂 it’s such a pity life circumstances can mess with people’s planned family size – death, finance or for you marriage breakdown 🙁

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