I have three kids. Each of them arrived into this world via my abdomen. Each has their own story which can you enjoy separately.
However its suffice to say that none of my sections were my preference. In fact baby two and three were attempts for a Vaginal Delivery After Cesearean (VBAC and a VBA2C).
I have absolute full respect for c-sections – hell, they provided me three happy and healthy babies. However as someone who craved a normal delivery I can’t help but feel robbed of an experience that most mothers go through. It feels as if giving birth by c-section is somewhat inferior to a normal delivery (I said feels before anyone picks me up on that!). I just can’t put my finger on it. It’s likely me. I always feel the need to justify the rationale for my sections – giving blow by blow account of why each one had to be delivered in that manner.
What compounds it all is a number of comments that I have received over the years.
“All that matters is a healthy baby”
Absolutely a healthy baby is the ultimate goal. But that does not mean that my own feelings on the mode of delivery should be completely null and void. Is it too much to ask for a healthy baby and a delivery that I had hoped for?
“At least you did not have to go through any pain”
Pain? They only sliced me open while still awake, pulled an 8lb baby and a placenta out of me, stitched me back up and then handed me a baby to take care of. No, I didn’t endure a 12 hour labour – I endured 6 weeks recovering from abdominal surgery with regular pain medication to prevent constant pain. Tell me another surgery that you are handed a newborn baby to take care of immediately afterwards?
“Don’t worry, you are not missing out on much”
No, I don’t think labour is a walk in the park – the clue is in the name “LABOUR” but yes for me I am missing out. I wanted to deliver my babies the way nature intended and that fact that I didn’t means I do feel I have missed out.
“Sure at least you can have kids…”
I don’t deny that I am blessed to be able to conceive. I have seen many friends go through infertility treatments and appreciate it is no easy feat physically or emotionally (or financially for that matter) but we all have different challenges, disappointments and heart aches to go through in life. In my view one persons pain or sadness is no greater (or lesser) than another.
“Are you too posh to push? Lol”
No I am not. I would happily have pushed all three of my babies out.
On my third section in particular (given I don’t plan any more kids) I know I gave up my dream of a normal delivery to ensure the safe delivery of my child – isn’t that what motherhood is all about? Putting your child before yourself.
When in the early days after my third section and feeling hormonal, emotional and like a failure for not being able to push any of my babies out I read a great article that made me cry happy tears.
Nearly two years after my last section I have found a place of contentment. I mean I can’t change the past and there are far worse things in life then being a c section mom. I have three fantastic healthy children and the battle wounds to go with them! In fact I’m proud to say
“Hi, I’m Lucy and I’m a c-section mom”